I really don’t like the phrase “virtue signal” because it is usually from people who think that because someone wants, expects, or receives praise/fulfillment/endorphins from doing good… that they aren’t “really” good… and shouldn’t try to do good.
So when someone’s bitching about “virtue signalling”, they’re vice signalling, yanno?
There is no help. Talk is a diversion that leads to misunderstandings and more hurt. Help lines are lies. I expect friends to bail out when I walk through their “open doors”. And that’s okay. I know they aren’t prepared to deal with my issues. I’ve had then 10+ years, and I barely know how to hang on. I hold out hope that someday science will catch up with psychology, because right now it feels like the field is clueless and grasping at straws. It’s new. It all has to start someplace, and I am grateful that the inquiry has begun as a first step
10+ (a giant +) here too, and I’d say the issue is also the repetitiveness: it becomes banal for those who hear about it eventually, it dilutes over time, while the struggle never does or does the opposite. “Talking to people” may work for a few years for some (if anyone gets it to begin with), after that, well…what can you even say that makes it justice? Agree that no one is prepared to deal with that either, nor necessarily should.
Heck, it became banal for *me*. I’m still stuck, I still hate it, but whenever I try to tell someone now it all just feels too trivial to bother them with. So I never end up telling anyone…
Ugh, I so relate to this… if you’re going to say “we’re here to help” and then not follow suit, please don’t say anything at all, because it would be less hurtful that way.
It’s all the more worse when they seem to be selective about who they reach out to. They’ll reach out to the other people they know, even hold discussions with others (personal or in an open post) but it’s complete crickets when you try to share your issues or them telling you either “☹️“ or to “figure it out yourself, that’s what I did.”
yup society being the bitch she was born to become all the time. what’s new? always pretending to care while in fact it’s only for fame always pretending to be help when it’s all for show off … cursed race …
I’ve had to deal with depression a lot in my life, and the most recent guy I tried to start something up with was suffering it worse than I was. I did want to be there for him and listen to him talk things out, and talk those things out with him, and so on. But he didn’t want to have those conversations. I can’t force someone to have a conversation.
Then there’s the conversation with the depressed person where you try to suggest some solutions or at least a viable next step and they can’t see it. They aren’t equipped to take that next step. At some point you’re talking round in circles and it’s time to stop. Or even if all you do is listen, which a lot of us say we want, it doesn’t actually help most of the time.
One of the features of depression, too, is that the depressed person CAN’T connect. They just aren’t capable. So no matter what layperson reaches out to you, no matter what relationship you have with them, you’re shouting at one another in two different languages across a ravine and neither of you has the materials to build a bridge.
People in depression need THERAPY, and preferably a more effective form than just talking. And NOT just popping a pill and going “Okay, I don’t feel like dying anymore, I’m cured.” *Something* is going on, so get to the bottom of it. But most people are not equipped to be therapists. They don’t have the training.
In my experience, people who want to help are usually more focused on “This is what I think you need” instead of “What do you need?”. And therapists who do have that training, seem to do this even more. They seem to have some kind of model treatment that they try to force over everyone’s head instead of tailoring their treatment to each individual
I’ve found my therapists’ “This is what I think you need” very helpful actually, because I have a hard time figuring out what it is I need to get better. Of course, these suggestions only come after an extensive getting to know me, and I’m always free to choose whether to engage or not.
my struggle is I can connect but it’s hard for me to hold the connection. I think that my depression will get in the way of my relationships and friendships. So I tend to kind of step away from them before they end
True, there are a lot (too many) people like this. On the other hand, a random stranger on the internet can only do so much. They’re not professional therapists and aren’t necessarily equipped to handle everything a person with depression can throw at them. So I don’t blame them for eventually trying to forward people to the professionals. It’s what I would do, too. Not because I don’t care, but because I do. I’d want people to get the best help and I know I’m not it.
1. Screw the slactivist types. 2. Depression is a hard topic to digest especially in the healing stages where if you cannot destroy the depression at least having a support base to get you out is important. 3.Finding someone or a professional to confide in is an extremely hard and taxing task.
While I definitely feel this comic, I don’t think it’s entirely fair. I’ve been struggling with depression and mental health issues for 10+ years and I have friends who do too. I try to be available and supportive, but I’m NOT a therapist. Neither are most people. Sometimes telling someone to get professional help is better, especially if they’re suicidal, which can be triggering if you’re also suffering.
At least in this comic Society has taken a break from blaming the victim. Instead, she’s going with the passive (and useless) “thoughts and prayers” approach.
My wife was let down by the vermin UK social services who either just gave out leaflets on where to find this or that (and “this or that” just gave out more leaflets on where to find….) OR they dictated that she/we had to do everything their way and ONLY their way.
The pretence of “care” so they can get the £££ funding…
You are describing national employment agency in my country x.X They will send even diasbled to do heavy physical work [Amazon is super popular target] only to have better statistics [and don’t check company’s offert – once company was recruting people even though they weren’t sure they will win the deal. They lost].
People “care” about others only when they can get cash from this :/.
I figured I should mention this. A friend of mine was on a suicide hotline. First they put her on hold then they hung up on her so I talked to her instead and we got into silly talks about sandwiches because I’m terrible at small talk.
And recently an author I knew was on the verge of suicide so I stayed up all night sharing cute dog pictures and cute cows and just talking refusing to give up on them. And we still talk almost every day. It’s easier to be there when you’ve been on the other end before.
Too right.
Too real.
Yup
Everyone wants to virtue signal but no one wants to have tough conversations
I really don’t like the phrase “virtue signal” because it is usually from people who think that because someone wants, expects, or receives praise/fulfillment/endorphins from doing good… that they aren’t “really” good… and shouldn’t try to do good.
So when someone’s bitching about “virtue signalling”, they’re vice signalling, yanno?
Truth.
Mental health issues is the modern day Leprosy. Wish it wasn’t so, but it damn sucks.
There is no help. Talk is a diversion that leads to misunderstandings and more hurt. Help lines are lies. I expect friends to bail out when I walk through their “open doors”. And that’s okay. I know they aren’t prepared to deal with my issues. I’ve had then 10+ years, and I barely know how to hang on. I hold out hope that someday science will catch up with psychology, because right now it feels like the field is clueless and grasping at straws. It’s new. It all has to start someplace, and I am grateful that the inquiry has begun as a first step
10+ (a giant +) here too, and I’d say the issue is also the repetitiveness: it becomes banal for those who hear about it eventually, it dilutes over time, while the struggle never does or does the opposite. “Talking to people” may work for a few years for some (if anyone gets it to begin with), after that, well…what can you even say that makes it justice? Agree that no one is prepared to deal with that either, nor necessarily should.
Heck, it became banal for *me*. I’m still stuck, I still hate it, but whenever I try to tell someone now it all just feels too trivial to bother them with. So I never end up telling anyone…
Real problem is finding someone to listen that has your six.
Ugh, I so relate to this… if you’re going to say “we’re here to help” and then not follow suit, please don’t say anything at all, because it would be less hurtful that way.
It’s all the more worse when they seem to be selective about who they reach out to. They’ll reach out to the other people they know, even hold discussions with others (personal or in an open post) but it’s complete crickets when you try to share your issues or them telling you either “☹️“ or to “figure it out yourself, that’s what I did.”
yup society being the bitch she was born to become all the time. what’s new?
always pretending to care while in fact it’s only for fame always pretending to be help when it’s all for show off … cursed race …
thanks for the new post
No one is born to become anything, Jack.
I’ve had to deal with depression a lot in my life, and the most recent guy I tried to start something up with was suffering it worse than I was. I did want to be there for him and listen to him talk things out, and talk those things out with him, and so on. But he didn’t want to have those conversations. I can’t force someone to have a conversation.
Then there’s the conversation with the depressed person where you try to suggest some solutions or at least a viable next step and they can’t see it. They aren’t equipped to take that next step. At some point you’re talking round in circles and it’s time to stop. Or even if all you do is listen, which a lot of us say we want, it doesn’t actually help most of the time.
One of the features of depression, too, is that the depressed person CAN’T connect. They just aren’t capable. So no matter what layperson reaches out to you, no matter what relationship you have with them, you’re shouting at one another in two different languages across a ravine and neither of you has the materials to build a bridge.
People in depression need THERAPY, and preferably a more effective form than just talking. And NOT just popping a pill and going “Okay, I don’t feel like dying anymore, I’m cured.” *Something* is going on, so get to the bottom of it. But most people are not equipped to be therapists. They don’t have the training.
In my experience, people who want to help are usually more focused on “This is what I think you need” instead of “What do you need?”. And therapists who do have that training, seem to do this even more. They seem to have some kind of model treatment that they try to force over everyone’s head instead of tailoring their treatment to each individual
I’ve found my therapists’ “This is what I think you need” very helpful actually, because I have a hard time figuring out what it is I need to get better. Of course, these suggestions only come after an extensive getting to know me, and I’m always free to choose whether to engage or not.
Conversations mean nothing to some of us.
Actions mean everything.
What triggers my worst moments are when people of similar views willfully choose not to go all in towards change they say they wish to see.
Has happened hundreds of times… Hundreds of hours of effort and planning and preparation and then platitudes and excuses.
At some point you don’t want to talk, you need to act. And acting alone is the most lonely thing ever.
For me an antidepressant wasn’t a cure any more than a cast is a cure for a broken leg, but it did give me the opportunity to heal.
my struggle is I can connect but it’s hard for me to hold the connection. I think that my depression will get in the way of my relationships and friendships. So I tend to kind of step away from them before they end
True, there are a lot (too many) people like this. On the other hand, a random stranger on the internet can only do so much. They’re not professional therapists and aren’t necessarily equipped to handle everything a person with depression can throw at them. So I don’t blame them for eventually trying to forward people to the professionals. It’s what I would do, too. Not because I don’t care, but because I do. I’d want people to get the best help and I know I’m not it.
If I could roll my eyes any harder, they’d fall out of my head
To be fair, I think a lot of people don’t know how to help and are afraid they’ll say something that will only make it worse.
The Aretha Franklin album cover was a nice tribute. Thanks for that little detail.
1. Screw the slactivist types.
2. Depression is a hard topic to digest especially in the healing stages where if you cannot destroy the depression at least having a support base to get you out is important.
3.Finding someone or a professional to confide in is an extremely hard and taxing task.
While I definitely feel this comic, I don’t think it’s entirely fair. I’ve been struggling with depression and mental health issues for 10+ years and I have friends who do too. I try to be available and supportive, but I’m NOT a therapist. Neither are most people. Sometimes telling someone to get professional help is better, especially if they’re suicidal, which can be triggering if you’re also suffering.
Where does it suggest people become therapists?
It doesn’t, and I never said it did. By “most people aren’t therapists” I mean that most people can’t provide adequate help.
At least in this comic Society has taken a break from blaming the victim. Instead, she’s going with the passive (and useless) “thoughts and prayers” approach.
Oh HELL yes, not just depression either.
My wife was let down by the vermin UK social services who either just gave out leaflets on where to find this or that (and “this or that” just gave out more leaflets on where to find….) OR they dictated that she/we had to do everything their way and ONLY their way.
The pretence of “care” so they can get the £££ funding…
You are describing national employment agency in my country x.X They will send even diasbled to do heavy physical work [Amazon is super popular target] only to have better statistics [and don’t check company’s offert – once company was recruting people even though they weren’t sure they will win the deal. They lost].
People “care” about others only when they can get cash from this :/.
I figured I should mention this. A friend of mine was on a suicide hotline. First they put her on hold then they hung up on her so I talked to her instead and we got into silly talks about sandwiches because I’m terrible at small talk.
And recently an author I knew was on the verge of suicide so I stayed up all night sharing cute dog pictures and cute cows and just talking refusing to give up on them. And we still talk almost every day. It’s easier to be there when you’ve been on the other end before.