A lot of what makes this so inevitable in, specifically, male-abuser/female-victim abusive relationships is that SO MANY social groups and friend groups are centered around men, even when they are not all male.
So if it comes down to her or him, the social group will choose him, no matter what his victim says about him. In some cases he could literally beat her up in front of them and they’d say it was her fault because she was screaming. He wouldn’t lose any of them, or at least not enough to take notice.
Seen it happen. Multiple times.
And yet for some reason you can’t get most women to understand that women need to support and center women. “I’m an equalist, not a feminist.” Well, honey, you’re never gonna get “equal” if you don’t give more time to the unequal side to bring it back into balance. Just the way it is.
I understand your point. But I think the broader issue is that the abuser steals the support away from the victim either by isolation or by using his or her charm. I’m a male “survivor” of a terribly abusive relationship and for the most part it is just hard to reach out as a victim in our society. I’ve had my experience doubted quite often by friends, therapists, and others or I’ve seen people hurting because they want to help but don’t know how to.
It works both ways. The victim can’t speak out about a mutual friend, the abuser, without fear of being ridiculed or facing further danger from their abuser.
I know that most often this situation affects women and I don’t deny that men have the upper hand, but mostly it is the victim, female, male, trans, or other, that is left alone and isolated in any case.
Not even going to really comment on that bullshit propaganda post – just to say that males are, depending on location, the victim in 45% to 48% of domestic violence cases.
Violence, physical or mental/verbal, against another person is wrong – it’s not “more wrong” in the victim has a vagina. And the doing violence is not “less wrong” if the perpetrator has a vagina.
The sad part is when you don’t realize your in an abusive relationship right away, but by the time you figure it all out, the damage is done. Trying to move past it, takes time and self realization, that it wasn’t all you. I am going through a healing process, i’m done with my self destruction, and creating a stronger me. It will take a while, but I’ll get there.
‘eyyy, it’s my first serious relationship. It’s been years and years and I still deal with issues borne of the relationship; not being able to take the slightest bit of criticism or being told I’ve done something wrong without feeling attacked and badly hurt, needing privacy in the extreme in all situations, self-image issues, issues revolving around sex and intimacy.
On and on and on and on, maybe things I don’t even realize; it’s taken me years to uncover some of what I just named. I wasted what probably would have been some of my best years on her and really feel like anything good I had or momentum I had going at the time was completely derailed and I’ve never been the same since. I’m soft, I’m tired and just feel very defeated.
When you find the right person to support and care for you it will get better. Just take care of you and the rest will fall into place. Be yourself. Love yourself. I suffer from the same thing. I work everyday to love myself because of the negativity that came from a past relationship but realize they try to bring you down to them. You are worthy! Do not ever let anyone let you think otherwise!!!
Met this person, used to be friends before I realisee that this was not only how he treated his partner, but to some degree everyone around him. Horrible person but good at being discrete about it so noone notice it
Been in this position twice, I’m ashamed to say. It’s so hard to let go when you knowthe person is abusive, but you’ve put all of yourself into them. Detaching from that is hard, especially if they’ve isolated you. Knowing that was my downfall both times, I let people know, if they date me, I’m not giving up my family or friends (haha) for them. They are my support system and if you leave, I’ll need them.
ugh, I’ve been this person before. I’m glad I don’t feel tempted to be that person anymore.
Me too. But now i have come to realize that it was “him” not me. I will never do it again.
A lot of what makes this so inevitable in, specifically, male-abuser/female-victim abusive relationships is that SO MANY social groups and friend groups are centered around men, even when they are not all male.
So if it comes down to her or him, the social group will choose him, no matter what his victim says about him. In some cases he could literally beat her up in front of them and they’d say it was her fault because she was screaming. He wouldn’t lose any of them, or at least not enough to take notice.
Seen it happen. Multiple times.
And yet for some reason you can’t get most women to understand that women need to support and center women. “I’m an equalist, not a feminist.” Well, honey, you’re never gonna get “equal” if you don’t give more time to the unequal side to bring it back into balance. Just the way it is.
I understand your point. But I think the broader issue is that the abuser steals the support away from the victim either by isolation or by using his or her charm. I’m a male “survivor” of a terribly abusive relationship and for the most part it is just hard to reach out as a victim in our society. I’ve had my experience doubted quite often by friends, therapists, and others or I’ve seen people hurting because they want to help but don’t know how to.
It works both ways. The victim can’t speak out about a mutual friend, the abuser, without fear of being ridiculed or facing further danger from their abuser.
I know that most often this situation affects women and I don’t deny that men have the upper hand, but mostly it is the victim, female, male, trans, or other, that is left alone and isolated in any case.
Not even going to really comment on that bullshit propaganda post – just to say that males are, depending on location, the victim in 45% to 48% of domestic violence cases.
Violence, physical or mental/verbal, against another person is wrong – it’s not “more wrong” in the victim has a vagina.
And the doing violence is not “less wrong” if the perpetrator has a vagina.
The last panel. KIWF.
The sad part is when you don’t realize your in an abusive relationship right away, but by the time you figure it all out, the damage is done. Trying to move past it, takes time and self realization, that it wasn’t all you. I am going through a healing process, i’m done with my self destruction, and creating a stronger me. It will take a while, but I’ll get there.
You got this. You are stronger than you think and are worth more than you will ever know. Do not ever let anyone let you think otherwise!!!
‘eyyy, it’s my first serious relationship. It’s been years and years and I still deal with issues borne of the relationship; not being able to take the slightest bit of criticism or being told I’ve done something wrong without feeling attacked and badly hurt, needing privacy in the extreme in all situations, self-image issues, issues revolving around sex and intimacy.
On and on and on and on, maybe things I don’t even realize; it’s taken me years to uncover some of what I just named. I wasted what probably would have been some of my best years on her and really feel like anything good I had or momentum I had going at the time was completely derailed and I’ve never been the same since. I’m soft, I’m tired and just feel very defeated.
Please try to go easy on others.
When you find the right person to support and care for you it will get better. Just take care of you and the rest will fall into place. Be yourself. Love yourself. I suffer from the same thing. I work everyday to love myself because of the negativity that came from a past relationship but realize they try to bring you down to them. You are worthy! Do not ever let anyone let you think otherwise!!!
Met this person, used to be friends before I realisee that this was not only how he treated his partner, but to some degree everyone around him. Horrible person but good at being discrete about it so noone notice it
Yeah… don’t fall for people too “helpful” in controlling your life. It’s hard to get it back when they’re gone. Your life is yours, nobody else’s.
There are other perspectives also
Been in this position twice, I’m ashamed to say. It’s so hard to let go when you knowthe person is abusive, but you’ve put all of yourself into them. Detaching from that is hard, especially if they’ve isolated you. Knowing that was my downfall both times, I let people know, if they date me, I’m not giving up my family or friends (haha) for them. They are my support system and if you leave, I’ll need them.
It’s true