Commentary from December 13, 2016
This one continues the storyline in which a woman deals with first her boyfriend’s suicide threats and then his suicide after she decides to leave him. It’s now on it’s third act, survivor’s guilt. It’s been a while since I went to this series — 10 months — but I have really battled how to depict survivor’s guilt and that led to about a half-dozen false starts that never got past the layout stage. Sometimes it’s really difficult to condense what needs to be said into a four panel strip while leaving room for visuals and this was one of them.
Unfortunately these strips are the least loved of all the storylines. I think that’s one of the reasons I put this storyline off, because it is the trickiest to deal with and the hardest (I think) for depressed people to read, because it’s about the fallout of a depressed person’s actions.
Unfortunately these strips are the least loved of all the storylines. I think that’s one of the reasons I put this storyline off, because it is the trickiest to deal with and the hardest (I think) for depressed people to read, because it’s about the fallout of a depressed person’s actions.
Very poignant. One of the things that has stopped me is not wanting to leave anyone in that situation.
I had been wondering if we would see this character again. Great follow up on survivor’s guilt. I hope that this drawing helps others who are contemplating suicide.
Thank you for the kind words. It’s a very real situation, and it’s difficult to understand if you’re a depressed person. I remember clearly believing that I was entirely alone and unloved and I would be doing society a great favor by removing myself from the world. It was hard to understand that suicide would have had a negative effect on people, not a standing ovation. Even now I can look back and see how maybe I was wrong, but I also know I couldn’t be convinced otherwise at the time.
I understand completely. A year ago nobody could have convinced me that my family would be anything other than relieved had I done it. I have been that far gone a few other times as well. I am back from the edge now and hope I am never their again.
When I was depressed, I felt that I was a horrible, worthless, useless person whom no one could ever love or care about. This feeling was so strong that I knew it to be true — but it was a lie. Knowledge doesn’t come from emotion. Things don’t become true merely because you feel them very strongly. It’s crucial to recognize that these negative thoughts are lies and to reject them as such. An early stage of my recovery was to write them down so I could examine them more objectively. In my mind they seemed absolutely true. On paper they became ridiculous fabrications, a transparent tissue of falsehoods that I could rip to shreds.
We are so often our own worst advocates.
Thanks for these comics. Both my partner and I have depression, but his seems so much worse than mine, and definitely untreated. I wish I could get through to him. It helps to know that someone else might feel the same. I wish I could find a support group that was aimed at people like me. Thanks for the comics they’re really well t I wish I could find a support group that was aimed at people like me. Thanks for the comix! There really will drawn, too.
Thank you for continuing the story of this character. It’s the storyline I’m most invested in out of all your comics. Hope we see this character again.
I’ve been in this situation…it took me years to recover from it. Sometimes I’m still not sure if I actually have. My brother was dealing with depression and I was the only one there to help him – I set him up with a therapist, multiple times, but he eventually just…stopped going. And no matter how hard I tried, he assured me he was fine and didn’t need a therapist.
I wasn’t depressed – but been made to feel guilty for things like going out with friends or having a girlfriend or being happy…I sincerely hated living. He yelled at me for having a life outside of making him happy…he used to ask me to one day let him live with me once I moved out so he would always be with me. And I just…couldn’t do it.
And I don’t blame my brother for it. It wasn’t his fault. It was the depression talking…but I had to leave. I had dreams to pursue, I had put off going to university for years so I could spend more time with him…and I had to leave town to go to university. I do still wonder if I could have helped him…but in all honesty, if I had stayed all that would have happened is that I’d have killed myself first, then he’d kill himself afterwards. I don’t blame him. I really don’t. But when he refused to accept anyone else’s help and put it all on me, it…drained my will to live.
I can’t say I’ve quite forgiven myself. Maybe I never will. Maybe I could just have pushed it, been strong, and taken care of my brother the whole time. That’s something I could have done. At the same time…sometimes when I remember how hard everything it was, it feels like cursing myself for not being able to be Superman and push a truck out of the way to save someone.
I miss him. Always will. I blame myself for it too. Always will. But I have got a life to live, and using him as an excuse for being sad isn’t fair to me or him. I tried my best to make him be happy, and I failed…but my girlfriend and friends all tried to make me happy too. I feel like I’d be selfish if I didn’t enjoy life now. Maybe that’s just a self-serving way of trying to deal with guilt…but I don’t really have a better option.
I’ll carry on on the regret and what I learned from that. I’ll remember all the times, the good and the bad. And I’ll live my life to the fullest, because cowardly or not, I don’t know what else to do other than to move forward and embrace the good things in life.
I hope he can forgive me for being happy sometimes.
I used to try to help a bi-polar suicidal friend. One day she said if she wanted to kill herself, there was nothing I could do to stop her. I had to realize she was right.