Commentary from Published November 2, 2016
Back to this couple. One of the difficulties of being in a relationship with depression is that it’s during the times that the symptoms are worst that you need the most support, but the symptoms often make you have to support your partner through it. So during your worst spells you’re often supporting TWO people through the storm, because the other person doesn’t understand and is freaking out.
One good way through this is good communication obviously — not just during the rough parts but through the times where it’s smooth sailing. Having your partner make an attempt to understand the illness and the medication is a must as well. Sadly, on one hand it feels selfish to require this of another person but it’ll make things worse if you don’t. A lot of people choose not to be in relationships because of this, which is sad because isolation makes things worse. Which do you choose? It’s a difficult decision, to take the high risk of a relationship or low risk of being alone. Unfortunately the partner may not be aware of how high the risk is.
This commentary is a bit rambly but I hope to show the problems with getting involved if you’re a depressed person with these characters. Depression can make you disabled in a relationship in ways that aren’t particularly clear until you are in the relationship, and then it’s too late and someone else is involved.
One good way through this is good communication obviously — not just during the rough parts but through the times where it’s smooth sailing. Having your partner make an attempt to understand the illness and the medication is a must as well. Sadly, on one hand it feels selfish to require this of another person but it’ll make things worse if you don’t. A lot of people choose not to be in relationships because of this, which is sad because isolation makes things worse. Which do you choose? It’s a difficult decision, to take the high risk of a relationship or low risk of being alone. Unfortunately the partner may not be aware of how high the risk is.
This commentary is a bit rambly but I hope to show the problems with getting involved if you’re a depressed person with these characters. Depression can make you disabled in a relationship in ways that aren’t particularly clear until you are in the relationship, and then it’s too late and someone else is involved.
“It’s not a statement”
Ouch, right in the feels.
I wont even attempt a r’ship at this point. Dont wanna inflict my toxin on another person.
I’ve been on the other side of this. And not as an unsupportive partner that doesn’t understand how depression works, but as an understanding partner who also has a mental illness trying desperately to be patient but really, really needing to have sex, ideally with the person I loved who I committed to a monogamous relationship with. This is an awful situation all around.
Depression seems to be about extremes — some people lose their sexual appetite, some people have it amplified, some people don’t get sleep and some people sleep too much. (TOO MUCH INFORMATION WARNING:) My sexual appetite was amped up, and unfortunately glued to my depression: sex became the only way I could feel something except the depression, and it became the only way I could recognize love. It was as you say, awful when the other person just didn’t need it: I felt rejected on many levels, many of which were artificial because of the depression.
Sympathetic until the last panel
This is where relationship counseling helps a lot of people. I tend to get into unhealthy relationships because of c-ptsd along with bipolar, and the sexual issues that come with my depressions seem to reflect the core issues from my history of childhood abuse. They’re like the canary in the coal mine. So I wonder how that is for other people…
I’m really glad you’re bringing this up, Clay.
Yeah, now that everything else is stable for me, the therapist is saying this is the best possible time for marriage counseling. Can’t do it while one partner is at bottom, but do it before this happens again or happens to the other partner.