Commentary from Published April 20, 2016
This comic, like the Robin comic before (#284) is very personal. I used to hang out with a bunch of artists back when I lived in Canada and because of that I was incredibly focused and productive. When I moved to Japan I lost that group and I started becoming more and more isolated and unmotivated. I was doing a comic back then that was becoming more and more popular and the art was getting better and better then wham — depression hit like a ton of rocks. It became harder to draw, it became harder to communicate, and I ended up being more and more isolated as time went on.
Some of those artists I worked with continued their hard work, and I remember clearly when I heard that one of them not only wrote a hit series of graphic novels but one that actually was going to become a movie. That artist deserved it 100% — as I knew him he was kind, generous, hard-working and incredibly talented. But it reminded me heavily of my own disappointment, and how it felt like I was slowly fading away from existence. There’s enough of a hint in the comic to tell who this person was.
It’s never a good idea to compare yourself to others. But with depression everything gets put on hold while you’re just trying to survive day by day. Soon years have passed and you’re either exactly where you were or somehow slipped farther behind. It makes it much harder to motivate yourself and even allow yourself to think about picking up that dream again, even though you have to modify it so it’s a lot less ambitious.
But, I did pick myself off and now I’m doing this. Recently I got a contract to do some illustration work for the University of Texas. This is a huge step for me. I’d like to think that Robin picks up that guitar at some point and plays songs on YouTube or something like that – a modification of her big dream that actually makes it doable. We all deserve as much.
Some of those artists I worked with continued their hard work, and I remember clearly when I heard that one of them not only wrote a hit series of graphic novels but one that actually was going to become a movie. That artist deserved it 100% — as I knew him he was kind, generous, hard-working and incredibly talented. But it reminded me heavily of my own disappointment, and how it felt like I was slowly fading away from existence. There’s enough of a hint in the comic to tell who this person was.
It’s never a good idea to compare yourself to others. But with depression everything gets put on hold while you’re just trying to survive day by day. Soon years have passed and you’re either exactly where you were or somehow slipped farther behind. It makes it much harder to motivate yourself and even allow yourself to think about picking up that dream again, even though you have to modify it so it’s a lot less ambitious.
But, I did pick myself off and now I’m doing this. Recently I got a contract to do some illustration work for the University of Texas. This is a huge step for me. I’d like to think that Robin picks up that guitar at some point and plays songs on YouTube or something like that – a modification of her big dream that actually makes it doable. We all deserve as much.
Yup. I’ve had moments like this.
I avoid any contact with people from my past for this very reason.
That hits close to home. <3
I get this with people I actively interact with. I constantly compare my failures to, at least, what from my perspective seem like constant wins for those around me. I think the proliferation of social media makes this worse not just for me but for everyone else that feels this way too.
Matthew, you are spot on about social media! Thanks for your post pointing it out. Absolutely goddamn right.
To me, Facebook is the “High School reunion that never ends”, or a continuous “annual holiday letter” that does nothing but depress me. I cannot stand it.
I started out like everyone else, connecting with people I hadn’t seen in years, getting “News Feeds” from friends and former friends, college pals, etc. After a while I realized how shitty I felt every time I looked at it.
At worst it makes me feel like a loser, and/or resent “the beautiful people.” At best it shows me that half of the sane people I once knew are now political nut cases, or want to bombard me with details of their lives that I could not care less about.
My breaking point was when I read that a girl I had a crush on in college had walked her dog that day, and someone from high school thought the clerk at Walmart was rude. I thought “Fuck you, Facebook.” I try to stay away from Facebook like I try to stay away from alcohol. Just like alcohol, it’s a depressant.
There’s actually a term for this with social media, it’s called “Facebook depression”
Her face in the last frame. She’s going to be thinking about that a lot. The past seems like another planet sometimes.
as a musician who plays and has had bands fail left and right….. this one really hurts
I love these comics but they sometimes hit a little too close to home for comfort.
This.
Or lawdy have I been there.
Whenever you see another Facebook post about someone getting their dream job or graduating college…
Yeah Joseph, I know exactly what you mean. I rant about Facebook in a reply to Matthew’s post, above. Facebook fuels my depression and makes me feel like the woman in this comic: a failure, a fuck-up. I have to stay off it, and when I’m tempted to go on (God knows why), I always come away feeling bad, and remember why I don’t log on to it.
The “social mirror” is always inaccurate, but toss depression in there on top of it, and it’s a not-so-fun house of distorted mirrors that makes us feel like shit. Social media only amplifies it. I do my best to stay away from it.
Yep…Depression destroys so much of a person’s life.
Yup. Know the feeling. But also, ask what the guitarist’s day job is. Probably the same lol.
You can always find someone who’s more successful than you are, depending on how you measure success. I think she’s doing pretty well to know someone who genuinely cares about her.
I always feel this. I can relate. My best friend has a band, we both sing. Both wanted to be entertainers. I have depression and issues she never had or have. Smh. I am happy for her but my life is awful.
Yup. ?
Waaaaaaay too close to home. Good work.
So much this.
When all my “friends” suddenly cut me off and became popular af last year
when you’re alone everyone around make it..