Commentary from January 21, 2016
I’ve been planning this storyline for quite some time now but I always lacked the courage to actually do it. I knew at some point this character’s story would begin to be one about surviving someone who was lost to depression. It’s a little different from the other characters in that their “storylines” are depression-sufferer-centric but I felt this story was also an important one to tell. Depression affects not only the sufferer but those around the sufferer as well in a deep and profound way.
At some point, I would have to draw the strip that delivers the news. I knew it wouldn’t be very popular, I might get some complaints, but it needed to happen for me to get at the more valuable story that results.
There’s really not much to tell. Of course there’s the Bowie nods in the first and third panels. It has nothing to do with the story, but regarding his passing it felt like something I wanted to put in.
The last panel was difficult to script and draw. I initially had her saying nothing with no caption but “oh no”, but it might not be obvious what happened. So I wanted her to come to a realization but not say it out loud. And as for her reaction, I didn’t know how to draw it so I left it as minimal as possible.
When I released it, it didn’t get many likes/reblogs/shares on twitter, facebook, or tumblr. But I did get a really supportive comment on tumblr about it from someone who was in that situation.
At some point, I would have to draw the strip that delivers the news. I knew it wouldn’t be very popular, I might get some complaints, but it needed to happen for me to get at the more valuable story that results.
There’s really not much to tell. Of course there’s the Bowie nods in the first and third panels. It has nothing to do with the story, but regarding his passing it felt like something I wanted to put in.
The last panel was difficult to script and draw. I initially had her saying nothing with no caption but “oh no”, but it might not be obvious what happened. So I wanted her to come to a realization but not say it out loud. And as for her reaction, I didn’t know how to draw it so I left it as minimal as possible.
When I released it, it didn’t get many likes/reblogs/shares on twitter, facebook, or tumblr. But I did get a really supportive comment on tumblr about it from someone who was in that situation.
Ouch. I have been right there on the edge of ending the pain several times. Having family get a knock at the door from the police is one of the few things that has stopped me
I like the picture of Bowie on the door
I was so not looking forward to this one. Thank you for going there.
The police knocked on my door after I said some angry things to my psychiatrist. It’s not the kind of thing you want to have in any circumstance!
Love the Nod to Bowie Clay. Spoke to Brendan last night and we are thinking of hitting up bar Mother soon if u fancy it.
Dear Clay, I have had recurrent bouts of severe depression for the last five years, but only discovered your comics during my current episode, lasting many months. During my darkest days, I almost addictively read through your comics for hours at a time, and bookmarked the ones that spoke most to me. I have wanted to comment before now, but depression held me back… the fact that I now can is a sign of my recovery, which I am incredibly grateful for. I am also incredibly grateful that you share your comics with us… sometimes I felt even more depressed reading them as I felt I ‘should’ be doing more productive things to aid recovery, and maybe reading about depression was only going to make my depression worse… but overall I felt comforted by how well you described exactly how I thought and felt, and the empathy from other people. I have sent you a donation via paypal in thanks. You helped get me through this time… and if I get back down there, I will be back to read your comics again.
Thank you Anne, that’s incredibly kind of you and I’ll send you a message in a moment to ask how I can thank you on the donations page. However, I’d like to invite you to share your thoughts and feelings at any time. This is a safe place and I would like everyone to feel free to be themselves here and know they’re not going to be judge. I’m glad you’re seeing signs of recovery, and I am always here for you on those days you need to know there’s someone who understands.
Thanks Clay, the gift came with no obligations and your reply to me was plenty thanks for it. Take care!
This is what I’m afraid of happening. He’d do it just for revenge. But the abuse is too much now, had been for years. I need to leave. But I’m so scared it’ll be my fault.
It wouldn’t be, Anon. Not when he’s hurting you.
One cannot force another individual to take his/her life. That is beyond the power of any human being. In the end, it is a choice.
This is an incredibly ignorant thing to say. One can be forced to do things by agents other than other people, like illnesses. If you are in a burning building, you may leap to your death. Depression tricks you into thinking you’re in that burning building and that the only way out is through the window. To people who have not experienced depression, suicide seems like a choice but unless you lived it, you wouldn’t understand that one thinks they have no choice at all.
This is something I struggle with. A friend of mine has threatened suicide many times if I stop talking to him…but to be honest, talking to him has made my life miserable to the point I fear waking up because it means I need to talk to him again, and talking to him makes life seem terrible.
I’ve tried talking to someone about this and they told me “Well, that’s how life is for him all the time so you can’t abandon him!”
And it’s just like…I don’t know. I fear what he might do if I stop talking to him, but when I’m not around him…the sky is so much bluer, the air is so much fresher, I look forward to every day…and when he’s around, I frankly want to die. I want to be a good friend…but I don’t want to hate myself either. I wish I knew what to do.
This isn’t a friendship anymore, it is a hostage situation in which he has declared himself his own hostage, and you need some friggin’ backup.
Does he have other supports who aren’t you? (For example, doctor, therapist, skillful/supportive family, other friends who aren’t you, suicide hotlines.) He needs to get himself some other supports, pronto.
Do *you* have other supports to help walk you through this? (For example, therapist, and also people who aren’t dumb like that one person you asked.) Almost everyone forgets to take care of the helper. You’re important, too!
Camrin Morrison
I’m not fucking playing sometimes. I don’t want this.
Oh God this one hurts so much. I felt the sinking feeling too. I’m so scared of this happening.
Been there, when my dad finally ended it all. I was 9 months pregnant at the time too, due date was 4 days after the visit from the police.
He’s been talking about it all my life, ever since I was a child, so I didn’t believe he’d really do it.
RIP Shane
You stuck around as long as you could.