Yeah. I’m where I’m weary of anyone who expresses strong emotions before they’ve been with me through a spell. The rejections in the middle of spells make it so much worse.
‘Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens,’ said Gimli. ‘Maybe,’ said Elrond, ‘but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.’ ‘Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart,’ said Gimli. ‘Or break it,’ said Elrond.
on the flip side, I’ve been left because I was getting well. suddenly I’m not a big mess and I have my own interests and now you’re just “not feeling it” anymore? okay, bye felicia.
Been there this May. The worst thing is trust issues afterwards, by the way: it becomes very difficult to trust yourself (your perception of people, your ability to see the cues) and others (their trustworthiness), e.g. spoils the future. If anyone knows what to do about fear of trust, let me know, please.
I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t know if it’s because people who have illness tend to wear their heart on their sleeve more, are more sensitive to trust issues, or tend to give their trust to people or situations more undeserving of it, but I think we are magnets for trust issues. Some people and situations you can’t trust but we tend to trust them anyways. I hope things get better and remember you have a friend in me if you need one.
Thank you, you have a friend in me as well. I’ve noticed that too. It’s as if I can’t fully grasp the idea that a person in front of me would actually lie to me, although such a concept in literature/cinema/history/politics is fully comprehandable. It’s just something that shouldn’t happen in real life to me. Although, why not? If it happens to other people, it might happen to me as well. In theory. But then in reality I’m standing in front of a man and cannot admit that he’s lying to me. The doubt just doesn’t cross the mind despite all the clues.
That’s an interesting observation and I think there’s something there, in that maybe depression clouds our ability to read other people as well as we should and thus we make poorer decisions of who to trust. I have been in a few relationships where my friends have warned me against pursuing, and I did anyways, and their warnings rang true. I honestly should have known better but I didn’t. I don’t know if this applies to you, but you made me think of my past relationships and I think there is a theme in there of being blind to hints of untrustworthiness.
Yes, very similar to my experience. Except for I’m usually encouraged to get into relationship, but that might be a gender thing. I think people like us have a need to believe. It’s like a hope that helps to survive.
I think there is a gender bias that tends to look over men’s faults as “just being one of the boys” “sowing his oats” or “just needs a good woman”. It’s all bullshit. I’m sorry you are going through this. You deserve better, and being alone is better than being with someone you can’t trust definitely.
There’s also the ‘opposite’ of this…when someone says they just need a friend, and it turns into “You’re not allowed to have a life outside of supporting me, I want to base my entire life around you.” And then they bring up their depression, so if you feel like a piece of shit if you don’t do everything they want, even though you really don’t want to do anything they do–while they keep pushing it as ‘friendship.’
This is what I’m constantly afraid of in my relationship. He gives me no reason to feel that way, but I can’t imagine anyone wanting to stay with a person like me, who is always unhappy/have no energy and whose whole life revolves around my illness. Being with an unhappy person must make you unhappy as well, right? Sometimes I think I’m unconsciously trying to sabotage our relationship because I just know he’ll get tired of me eventually and it’s better if it’s now rather than years down the road.
Oh that hits close to home – second marriage “you’ll NEVER be happy!!”
Yeah. I’m where I’m weary of anyone who expresses strong emotions before they’ve been with me through a spell. The rejections in the middle of spells make it so much worse.
Yes! :p
So sad 🙁 you don’t want to be a burden to other people, they say it’s no problem, in the end it always turns out to be.
Unfortunately yes. 🙁
Every. Freakin. Time
*hugs*
Agreed :p
I’m so worried that this will happen that I’m afraid I’m going to make it happen. ):
+1 Awesome comment :/
Oh yes, one of my turns. It always feels like this to me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6blOUl5WWVI
‘Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens,’ said Gimli.
‘Maybe,’ said Elrond, ‘but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.’
‘Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart,’ said Gimli.
‘Or break it,’ said Elrond.
from The Lord of the Rings
by J.R.R. Tolkien
on the flip side, I’ve been left because I was getting well. suddenly I’m not a big mess and I have my own interests and now you’re just “not feeling it” anymore? okay, bye felicia.
Ouch. That hit close to home.
such great comments everyone :/
Been there this May. The worst thing is trust issues afterwards, by the way: it becomes very difficult to trust yourself (your perception of people, your ability to see the cues) and others (their trustworthiness), e.g. spoils the future.
If anyone knows what to do about fear of trust, let me know, please.
Unfortunately, life tends to justify my trust issues more than naught … I hope you find a way before you end up practically friendless like myself.
Oh. Thank you.
You were so right.
I hate to ask what was right;; what happened?
About trust. Life does justify trust issues.
I wish we’d live in a better world.
I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t know if it’s because people who have illness tend to wear their heart on their sleeve more, are more sensitive to trust issues, or tend to give their trust to people or situations more undeserving of it, but I think we are magnets for trust issues. Some people and situations you can’t trust but we tend to trust them anyways. I hope things get better and remember you have a friend in me if you need one.
Thank you, you have a friend in me as well.
I’ve noticed that too. It’s as if I can’t fully grasp the idea that a person in front of me would actually lie to me, although such a concept in literature/cinema/history/politics is fully comprehandable. It’s just something that shouldn’t happen in real life to me. Although, why not? If it happens to other people, it might happen to me as well. In theory.
But then in reality I’m standing in front of a man and cannot admit that he’s lying to me. The doubt just doesn’t cross the mind despite all the clues.
That’s an interesting observation and I think there’s something there, in that maybe depression clouds our ability to read other people as well as we should and thus we make poorer decisions of who to trust. I have been in a few relationships where my friends have warned me against pursuing, and I did anyways, and their warnings rang true. I honestly should have known better but I didn’t.
I don’t know if this applies to you, but you made me think of my past relationships and I think there is a theme in there of being blind to hints of untrustworthiness.
Yes, very similar to my experience. Except for I’m usually encouraged to get into relationship, but that might be a gender thing.
I think people like us have a need to believe. It’s like a hope that helps to survive.
I think there is a gender bias that tends to look over men’s faults as “just being one of the boys” “sowing his oats” or “just needs a good woman”. It’s all bullshit. I’m sorry you are going through this. You deserve better, and being alone is better than being with someone you can’t trust definitely.
You were so right.
This is one of many constant fears I’m living in 🙁
Hey, I just found depcom.
Just wanted to say thank you for providing content I can relate to.
TW: Depression. At least hubby isn’t like this. Too bad the rest are:
http://t.co/cjXcOZ39eK
This is why I prefer to stay away. If I’m going to fall, I’ll fall alone.
There’s also the ‘opposite’ of this…when someone says they just need a friend, and it turns into “You’re not allowed to have a life outside of supporting me, I want to base my entire life around you.” And then they bring up their depression, so if you feel like a piece of shit if you don’t do everything they want, even though you really don’t want to do anything they do–while they keep pushing it as ‘friendship.’
http://t.co/kxDxmzUAiw
🙁
I second that ?!
Oh no… I’m in the beginning of a relationship and it’s in the “before” stage. I’m so scared that this is going to happen.
…truthfully, I’m tempted to ask my wife to leave me. She doesn’t deserve having to put up with this.
Almost started crying reading this one… it is why I truly believe I should stay single and not bother anyone
ok update, crying.
It’s the catch twenty two… When you’re depressed it’s unhealthy to be alone but there’s a lot of damage when you’re with people.
Oh, hi my failed first marriage.
*hugs*
Michael Duong fears.
This is what I’m constantly afraid of in my relationship. He gives me no reason to feel that way, but I can’t imagine anyone wanting to stay with a person like me, who is always unhappy/have no energy and whose whole life revolves around my illness. Being with an unhappy person must make you unhappy as well, right? Sometimes I think I’m unconsciously trying to sabotage our relationship because I just know he’ll get tired of me eventually and it’s better if it’s now rather than years down the road.
Yesssss!
another reason to remain single forever … thanks!