Those are normal thoughts for a person in a depressed state. The way I see it, the zest for life is trying to reach you from behind the cobwebs of depression, and the fear of pain is the echo of that voice.
I have never been shy about sharing that the only reason I survived childhood is the risk of a painful death and the idea of living in pain from a failed attempt was scarier than the idea of carrying on as I was.
Fear of surviving a suicide attempt is the singular strongest sentiment that has curbed me. Even if it wasn’t living in pain.. living with friends and family knowing about my suffering when it’s felt like my best kept secret. I had not seen anyone else say that before. That’s really comforting. Thank you
Even when not struggling with a low point in my depression, cause I’ve been depressed for so long, these are normal thoughts that pop in my head while I go through my day.
This is another thread I feel has been pulled from my mind.
In addition to Chronic Depression, I also have Chronic Anxiety, and Paranoia and Schizoid Personality Disorder. I may have mentioned that here before. The ONLY thing that keeps me going is a lack of a guarantee that I will succeed at ending my life. Without the guarantee, I stay alive until Death comes for me. I hope it is sooner rather than later.
Add to fear of pain: fear of financial loss. Have to think about making it painless and look like an accident so life insurance pays out. Too much work, easier to just wait.
I’ve been reading your comics and honestly they speak so true to me. I’ve actually had a phobia of death since I was a little girl but the more In growing up the more I realize that I’m too afraid to live, too afraid to die.
As horrible as it sounds, I wish I had the courage to kill myself. I would no longer be a burden to my friends, to my family, and would stop being a parasite to society and to stop hurting others. A person like me is so deserving to die, yet why can’t I?
When will I reach the point that suicide will seem logical to me so I can finally do it? I have had fantasies of escaping from this reality but never done the action of doing so…
Anyways… To be honest the only thing that is keeping me looking forward to the future is your comics. I really look forward to your comics. I wish I can make comics like yours actually. I haven’t drawn in the longest time.
Please don’t ever stop making these comics. It really resonates to universal depression.
Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. -Dorothy Parker
Looking back, that train of thought (including the research) is probably one of the things that made me stay alive long enough to see a little bit of relief from said pain.
The inability to choose a means to die kept me alive for years. I also worried about what would happen if I messed it up. I might wind up horribly injured, in constant pain and unable to move or communicate for the rest of my life, and still depressed. Bad as the depression already was, that would be worse.
I love these comics. My closest friend (and an ex-girlfriend) has suffered from depression for over 25 years. I have gone through a lot of it with her, trying to help her any way I can. I help her financially, emotionally and what ever I can give her, I give. I am a very head strong person. I have been through a lot in my life and have always gotten myself out of it. When she told me she was suffering from depression, I told her to get over it and start living. I soon came to realize that depression is not like that. She has changed my whole life and, even though I have an inexhaustible amount of compassion for people, she increased it. I have spent years researching new drugs to help her to deal with this, and continually read up on new research in this area. I had found Lamictal (Lamotrigine) which had helped her tremendously but she slipped back. She is now fighting this on her own and her smiles make every day of mine a sunny day and when I look at the things in my life that I feel are so huge and daunting, I look at her struggle to make it through each day and it makes me realize just how small my petty troubles are.
She is a beautiful, talented, loving and giving person and it breaks my heart that this monster lives alongside her in her life. To all of you here that are on this site that suffer from depression, I want to say there are those that know what you are going through and recognize what a battle life can be at times. I don’t know any of you, but I will send out whatever positive thoughts I can to any of you who need it. It might mean nothing and you might not feel the effect, but know that there is someone who is congratulating you for being alive today and being in life.
Keep it up. I won’t tell you to smile or stay happy, just stay here and keep up the fight. There are some solutions but they don’t work for everyone. Please stay alive. I am thinking about you, about all of you.
I’m not afraid of the the pain inflicted on me, I am afraid of the pain inflicted on others that I still have the energy to care about.That pain on me is MY punishment, but I’m still alive because I don’t want to cause my parents and my brother grief.
I go through this all the time, I am so tired of the pain of being me. As much as I have tried to keep depression at bay, my low self esteem and invalidation in this world just bears down on me too much. I want to be released, every day things hurt too much and I find myself praying for a fatal car accident, a heart attack, a brain aneurysm so suicide won’t be inevitable and to save my family and friends from the guilt of my death. It is really super sad when you envy people who die. Life shouldn’t be this way.
This hit so close to home I’m borderline crying. For at least a decade wanting to avoid the pain of dying was the only thing stopping me from doing anything even if all the suicidal ideation was there. I went out of my way to find other ways but all proved to be either painful in some manner or expensive or really complicated so.. I’m still here. It took me years to get from “I’m not killing myself because the process will hurt me too much and I’ll be in pain and ashamed and alone if I fail” to “I won’t kill myself because it’ll hurt the people close to me and I have a future that I want to see” and it’s getting me all misty eyed because the deepest depression mindset I knew I was in feels so alien to me now.
What she said!
A common question that was phrased very well at the end. Clay, you do not know how to disappoint.
Yes I do 🙁
No! Don’t say that! Your website is sublime.
Oh. so those aren’t normal thoughts?
Those are normal thoughts for a person in a depressed state. The way I see it, the zest for life is trying to reach you from behind the cobwebs of depression, and the fear of pain is the echo of that voice.
SO very accurate. This is exactly it.
I have never been shy about sharing that the only reason I survived childhood is the risk of a painful death and the idea of living in pain from a failed attempt was scarier than the idea of carrying on as I was.
Comrade…
Kin!!!
Fear of surviving a suicide attempt is the singular strongest sentiment that has curbed me. Even if it wasn’t living in pain.. living with friends and family knowing about my suffering when it’s felt like my best kept secret. I had not seen anyone else say that before. That’s really comforting. Thank you
I’ve been suicidal for 25yrs, I’m just very lazy
yup…
Ztephka, » t.f.w.
-jay was here!
And the pain to family and friends too 🙁
Probably the only reason I’m still alive is my fear of pain.
Pain and the fear of the unknown. If I die will I face something more worst then this?
Same here, Chris. Same here.
this……. this so much.
Even when not struggling with a low point in my depression, cause I’ve been depressed for so long, these are normal thoughts that pop in my head while I go through my day.
This is another thread I feel has been pulled from my mind.
In addition to Chronic Depression, I also have Chronic Anxiety, and Paranoia and Schizoid Personality Disorder. I may have mentioned that here before. The ONLY thing that keeps me going is a lack of a guarantee that I will succeed at ending my life. Without the guarantee, I stay alive until Death comes for me. I hope it is sooner rather than later.
Yup…
It’s exactly what I experienced!!
Add to fear of pain: fear of financial loss. Have to think about making it painless and look like an accident so life insurance pays out. Too much work, easier to just wait.
I’ve been reading your comics and honestly they speak so true to me. I’ve actually had a phobia of death since I was a little girl but the more In growing up the more I realize that I’m too afraid to live, too afraid to die.
As horrible as it sounds, I wish I had the courage to kill myself. I would no longer be a burden to my friends, to my family, and would stop being a parasite to society and to stop hurting others. A person like me is so deserving to die, yet why can’t I?
When will I reach the point that suicide will seem logical to me so I can finally do it? I have had fantasies of escaping from this reality but never done the action of doing so…
Anyways… To be honest the only thing that is keeping me looking forward to the future is your comics. I really look forward to your comics. I wish I can make comics like yours actually. I haven’t drawn in the longest time.
Please don’t ever stop making these comics. It really resonates to universal depression.
Oh god the feels.. clay, you are our prophet and you ink the thoughts we cannot express. So say we all.
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
-Dorothy Parker
Yes, this. I can’t count how many times this has gone through my head since I first read it as a teenager.
Looking back, that train of thought (including the research) is probably one of the things that made me stay alive long enough to see a little bit of relief from said pain.
The inability to choose a means to die kept me alive for years. I also worried about what would happen if I messed it up. I might wind up horribly injured, in constant pain and unable to move or communicate for the rest of my life, and still depressed. Bad as the depression already was, that would be worse.
230 http://t.co/MhLqPxETZD
Yep. only reason I didn’t jump off the golden gate bridge was that I was afraid I’d survive the fall and I didn’t want to drown.
I love these comics. My closest friend (and an ex-girlfriend) has suffered from depression for over 25 years. I have gone through a lot of it with her, trying to help her any way I can. I help her financially, emotionally and what ever I can give her, I give. I am a very head strong person. I have been through a lot in my life and have always gotten myself out of it. When she told me she was suffering from depression, I told her to get over it and start living. I soon came to realize that depression is not like that. She has changed my whole life and, even though I have an inexhaustible amount of compassion for people, she increased it. I have spent years researching new drugs to help her to deal with this, and continually read up on new research in this area. I had found Lamictal (Lamotrigine) which had helped her tremendously but she slipped back. She is now fighting this on her own and her smiles make every day of mine a sunny day and when I look at the things in my life that I feel are so huge and daunting, I look at her struggle to make it through each day and it makes me realize just how small my petty troubles are.
She is a beautiful, talented, loving and giving person and it breaks my heart that this monster lives alongside her in her life. To all of you here that are on this site that suffer from depression, I want to say there are those that know what you are going through and recognize what a battle life can be at times. I don’t know any of you, but I will send out whatever positive thoughts I can to any of you who need it. It might mean nothing and you might not feel the effect, but know that there is someone who is congratulating you for being alive today and being in life.
Keep it up. I won’t tell you to smile or stay happy, just stay here and keep up the fight. There are some solutions but they don’t work for everyone. Please stay alive. I am thinking about you, about all of you.
This reply had me more feelsy than the comic. (-_-.)
230 http://t.co/qZhkN0VWbf via @depressioncomix
One of the two only reasons I’m still in this world
I’m not afraid of the the pain inflicted on me, I am afraid of the pain inflicted on others that I still have the energy to care about.That pain on me is MY punishment, but I’m still alive because I don’t want to cause my parents and my brother grief.
230 http://t.co/uYEDUXSE5Q via @depressioncomix
Heh. http://t.co/LSufMRQQ1R
I go through this all the time, I am so tired of the pain of being me. As much as I have tried to keep depression at bay, my low self esteem and invalidation in this world just bears down on me too much. I want to be released, every day things hurt too much and I find myself praying for a fatal car accident, a heart attack, a brain aneurysm so suicide won’t be inevitable and to save my family and friends from the guilt of my death. It is really super sad when you envy people who die. Life shouldn’t be this way.
This hit so close to home I’m borderline crying. For at least a decade wanting to avoid the pain of dying was the only thing stopping me from doing anything even if all the suicidal ideation was there. I went out of my way to find other ways but all proved to be either painful in some manner or expensive or really complicated so.. I’m still here.
It took me years to get from “I’m not killing myself because the process will hurt me too much and I’ll be in pain and ashamed and alone if I fail” to “I won’t kill myself because it’ll hurt the people close to me and I have a future that I want to see” and it’s getting me all misty eyed because the deepest depression mindset I knew I was in feels so alien to me now.
🙁
Maina Melendez
And this is how Life keeps hold of you. If letting it go was easy, a lot more people would be gone.
This, so true. Thank you Clay, you’re comics have brought a small measure of peace into my life. I feel more understood here than anywhere else.