It’s my mother in 100%! [or more] She is a teacher, so she always was asking, how other [better than me in these subjects] got from exam/short test if I failed. She didn’t ask this in my strong subjects:/ And always “name is doing this/that and you are not” or now “name got degree and now is working here and here [always low paid job], so you without degree will have worse”. And “people is laughing at you because of your hair/clothes”. Dad isn’t better, he likes compare me to him “you are making the same mistakes I did”,”I was in math profile and I was good in literature” [when I wanted to go to litarature profile class],”i also had problems with writing thesis and I overcome this”. I hate this, but when I told them, mum had cotrargument [that she think “it will get to me if nothing else couldn’t”]. Fuck….
They sound like my grandmother too. Basically, since I was little she always told me that my cousin (any cousin really) was better than me because she did/do this or because she is that and that I will never have any friends with my current attitude (particularly my temper). This didn’t change my attitude and possibly even fuelled it more. My 11 year old then come to ‘realisation’ that if no one will like me anyway, then I should just stop making friends. She still kept pestering me about how everyone were better than me, as if she believed that it will motivate me to be better (that is what she said), until one of my cousins got pregnant at 16.
Often people with depression (myself definitely included) have the tendency to compare themselves to others. For example, if someone’s an artist, they’ll be all “Oh god their art is so much better than mine. I should give up, I suck, I suck, I suck.” Things of the sort. The other part is about people telling people with depression “other people have it so much worse than you, why are /you/ depressed?”
Elie Hirschman: I think I get it.. It’s the fact that on the one hand, you’re told not to compare yourself to others because it’ll only make you sad.. But when you /are/ sad/depressed, people tell you you have no reason to be because others have it worse than you, effectively comparing you to others, so the notions conflict.. Like, if comparing yourself to others makes you unhappy, I don’t know why someone would think doing that when you’re /already sad/ would help, at all. You still feel sad, especially people with depression, but now you have added /guilt/ over feeling the way you do, which again, doesn’t help at all.
Oh, yeah, this one’s a fun argument to have… Although it always makes me think of something I read, once. ‘Sadness is not a competition. Just because I’m sad and you’re sad doesn’t mean only one of us is ‘more deserving’ to be sad.’ I try to tell that to myself whenever The Black Cloud settles in. :/
It’s hard to not compare myself to others when the things I’m comparing is something everyone else experiences except me. Specifically, romantic and sexual experiences.
This is me…….my girlfriend says not to compare myself to anyone else,but my mom says i have it “lucky” and to comepare myself to her as a child,same with my dad when he found my cuts on my sholder……….
My stepdad is always dismissing stuff about mental illnesses by saying stuff like “She’s completely happy.” or “She has never had a rough life.” And then turning around and saying something super homophobic. Same thing with my mom.
What they don’t know is that I’m constantly thinking about my abusive biological father and the nightmares and flashbacks I still hat, and what I would tell my girlfriend (both of us are female) if I somehow managed to survive an attempt.
It’s my mother in 100%! [or more] She is a teacher, so she always was asking, how other [better than me in these subjects] got from exam/short test if I failed. She didn’t ask this in my strong subjects:/ And always “name is doing this/that and you are not” or now “name got degree and now is working here and here [always low paid job], so you without degree will have worse”. And “people is laughing at you because of your hair/clothes”.
Dad isn’t better, he likes compare me to him “you are making the same mistakes I did”,”I was in math profile and I was good in literature” [when I wanted to go to litarature profile class],”i also had problems with writing thesis and I overcome this”.
I hate this, but when I told them, mum had cotrargument [that she think “it will get to me if nothing else couldn’t”].
Fuck….
They sound like my grandmother too. Basically, since I was little she always told me that my cousin (any cousin really) was better than me because she did/do this or because she is that and that I will never have any friends with my current attitude (particularly my temper).
This didn’t change my attitude and possibly even fuelled it more. My 11 year old then come to ‘realisation’ that if no one will like me anyway, then I should just stop making friends.
She still kept pestering me about how everyone were better than me, as if she believed that it will motivate me to be better (that is what she said), until one of my cousins got pregnant at 16.
This is the first comic I don’t really get.
Often people with depression (myself definitely included) have the tendency to compare themselves to others. For example, if someone’s an artist, they’ll be all “Oh god their art is so much better than mine. I should give up, I suck, I suck, I suck.” Things of the sort. The other part is about people telling people with depression “other people have it so much worse than you, why are /you/ depressed?”
Since Freckle is supportive and Mother is toxic (both generally and now) I’ll go with Freckle’s advice.
Elie Hirschman: I think I get it.. It’s the fact that on the one hand, you’re told not to compare yourself to others because it’ll only make you sad.. But when you /are/ sad/depressed, people tell you you have no reason to be because others have it worse than you, effectively comparing you to others, so the notions conflict.. Like, if comparing yourself to others makes you unhappy, I don’t know why someone would think doing that when you’re /already sad/ would help, at all. You still feel sad, especially people with depression, but now you have added /guilt/ over feeling the way you do, which again, doesn’t help at all.
Amy Guillot, that’s what I was trying to get at, thanks!
Oh, yeah, this one’s a fun argument to have… Although it always makes me think of something I read, once. ‘Sadness is not a competition. Just because I’m sad and you’re sad doesn’t mean only one of us is ‘more deserving’ to be sad.’ I try to tell that to myself whenever The Black Cloud settles in. :/
It’s hard to not compare myself to others when the things I’m comparing is something everyone else experiences except me. Specifically, romantic and sexual experiences.
100% yes! My mother LOVES to pull this one
this = depression
Yep. The Bully in my head.
This is me…….my girlfriend says not to compare myself to anyone else,but my mom says i have it “lucky” and to comepare myself to her as a child,same with my dad when he found my cuts on my sholder……….
Comparison is the biggest thief of happiness…
My stepdad is always dismissing stuff about mental illnesses by saying stuff like “She’s completely happy.” or “She has never had a rough life.” And then turning around and saying something super homophobic. Same thing with my mom.
What they don’t know is that I’m constantly thinking about my abusive biological father and the nightmares and flashbacks I still hat, and what I would tell my girlfriend (both of us are female) if I somehow managed to survive an attempt.