Commentary from December 5, 2013
I’m not terribly satisfied with this one, particularly the last panel. I wish I could have made the point without spelling it out. I originally had a more antagonistic ending, where the freckled character would be alone, head down, hands against the wall, repeating, “it’s not me, it’s the illness. It’s not me … ” but for some reason I opted for the warm, comforting last panel. It’s sure to get complaints saying “must be nice to have someone to cuddle with”. For the record, I never had anyone do that for me, but this a case where I’m not illustrating what people really do but rather what people should do. Easier said than done, I know.
Awww, that’s so sweet. The girl with freckles is truly a good person.
Also, I love the way you draw freckles.
Thanks. It’s just me repeatedly tapping the paper with a mechanical pencil. I dislike the usual convention of freckles as three circles on someone’s cheek (a la Archie) so I wanted it to be more realistic than that. I am also a person with freckles, and have them across my face, arms and shoulders so I guess I make a point of drawing them in.
This.
Hit me right in the feels. I’m in the position of the girl with the freckles, my partner is dealing with her depression and other factors in her life. She’s un able to be a lover right now, as she’s healing and dealing with her own slew of life events. All I can do is support her, and wait, and remember, it’s not me, it’s the illness.
Good luck to you, and I’m glad you’re understanding. Most people aren’t, so I’m sure your partner does appreciate you.
I’ve recently started a relationship with a long-time friend-now-lover who is the first person I’ve ever been with who understands that my depression isn’t his fault or mine, but an illness. I’ve never been with anyone so understanding and supportive. He’s done a lot of learning about the illness and learning about how it affects me and supporting me both as a friend and as a lover. My heart goes out to everyone who supports a partner with depression. It’s got to be one of the hardest things to do, to watch us suffer and not be able to “fix it,” but so many of us are still alive (and sometimes even have hope) because of your patience and compassion. Thank you.
you seriously deserve a badge of amazing person, no one is like that or I haven’t met anyone like that, so your partner is lucky, just remember to don’t give up!
<3
We should set up a “,need a hug; give a hug,” exchange…
Agreed! Sometimes hugs are the only thing that actually helps
This made me cry, and remember how amazing my boyfriend is to me when I’m depressed. Thank you for this. Your comics are amazing and are the best I’ve ever seen at accurately describing what it’s like. I regularly use them to explain depression to other people.
Ah, catharsis…
I love how understanding her girlfriend is
Your mileage with real people may vary.
I’m in Freckles’ position too, and it’s a tough one to be in, believe me. But it’s what’s needed, and she’s completely worth it.
That…is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in a long time. If only there were actual people out there as wonderful as that….
There are. I promise.
There are, this is exactly how my husband is. He is there for me even though I hate myself.
Yeah, and my boyfriend is a saint. I don’t know how he does it. But he takes all my crap and just pushes it aside like it’s not the heavy burden that it is and just loves me. He never ever complains about how my moods can change so suddenly and drastically.
shit…
I mean… :/
This is a great comic.. I had a friend with depression and I’ve had depression before, and I just want to say, both times it was because of our jobs.
Hers was a high pressure job, lowly paid in publishing.
Mine was a job I hated and wjich had nothing for me to do.
I eventually quit my job, and now feel great. I have a job that pays much more and is great.
Sometimes you have to reach for the stars, and know that it’s the external factors that are making you depressed. It’s knowing when not to change that’s hard, making a change in your life is the easy part.
It’s not always external factors that make people depressed. More often than not, it’s stuff that’s messed up in the brain, how it works or the chemicals it creates and uses.
I can totally understand this. So much of our lives are tied to work. You get a certain amount of workplace stress, and your job can affect the quality of your social life, which in turn can create more stress rather than being a coping resource like it should be. Then you realize it’s a dead end job, and things will never change, so you start to feel despair. You believe your life will never change. Then one day it’s over.
Right in the soul with this one. Sometimes I need to learn when to shut the fuck up and just be there for her. :,|
Just… thank you.
Fuck me. This one hurts. Makes you long for somtehing like this . . . Goddamnit.
Almost any person worth keeping is capable of this. My partner started with the worst “You just need to choose to be happy” comments, and blaming me as a person for my depressive behaviour. A healthy partner who has never experienced depression needs to be learning the same things you are in terms of understanding the condition. However, you’re living it, they’re not. They need clear communication on exactly what it feels like, how the negative thought patterns spin into depressive behaviour, what is you and what is the illness. Just because they can’t empathize yet doesn’t mean they’ve given up on you, no matter what unintentionally awful things they say. You shouldn’t give up on them either.
My husband gave up on me. I have been saying I’m in pain and need a hug for an entire day and he only has shut down and keeps following his routine. I had to muster so much courage to talk… And still couldn’t get help. I don’t want to feel this way. My meds are malfunctioning and I still have to survive two weeks until my appointment with the psychiatrist. I’m trying so hard to control the illness…
He was like this seven years ago. I guess I disappointed him by having a chronic disease and his love not saving me and curing me.
*virtual hug*
It’s really, really tough. I hope you get through the next two weeks, and it sounds like you need greater support. Some people just don’t know how to deal with the illness of someone else and maybe they take our moods and pain personally. I’m glad you posted your comment here. Please keep surviving.
Sometimes I wish I had someone who understands and even would try to ease my pain like this. But at the same time I’m fine being alone. That’s who I am and always was. No reason to change it.
Can only wish I had someone like that. Oh well, moving on.
A person like that in my life would be so nice.
…♡…
so far the only female couple in the series and i hope they remain together this is so cute
I’m on both sides of this (I’m single but my friends and I are each other’s support network), and I love seeing it laid out this way. Sometimes the greatest gift is just a shoulder to cry on…
This is something I’m going through. Except I think my anxiety and depression has pushed her away now…