Commentary from October 10, 2013.
This is kind of a confession of sorts. I was (still am?) in the latter category. I know people who were in the former category. I can completely understand both. This is one of the many things that make it difficult to be in a relationship with someone who’s depressed, the former for obvious reasons but the latter too. Sex becomes too important, it’s the only thing that validates one’s existence. I’ve had a number of relationships die because of this, because having sex was more important than just being together. But I can tell you that in those moments, all the mental pain was brushed aside and it did feel wonderful to have those voices silent and actually feel good. No feelings of emptiness, loneliness, or worthlessness. And when you’re depressed, those moments are treasures.
:c
How adorable, you assume people with depression have the desire to find someone to have sex with.
Anne – make half-assed criticisms about things outside the intended focus of a given work much?
The point of these comics are to give people an insight to what depression is like and yes, some people do use sex to give themselves a false sense of connection or feelings through the intensity of an orgasm when everything else just feels numb. Its a quick fix, but it often creates dissention and further depression. Nothing about depression is adorable
I think you assumed way too much from one panel. Recent research has discovered a link between depression and hypersexuality. This can also include masturbation, but you can imagine why I did not decide to draw that in this comic. Instead of sarcasm, I will direct you to one study of this kind: http://www.dnaindia.com/health/1657335/report-depression-fires-up-the-sex-drive . In the future, you may want to scrap the misdirected sarcasm, it doesn’t help you or anyone else.
I will also add that the comic states hypersexuality is not always the case (third panel states as much). But for people who suffer from bipolar, both is often the case. Google bipolar and hypersexuality, lots of information there.
Daniel – make half-assed assumptions about how I personally experience depression?
Anne, if you have nothing to offer here instead of hostility, you’re better off not reading this comic.
And actually, Anne, in your first post here you were making a half-assed assumption about how others, like myself, experience depression.
This is exactly what I did most of my adult life, empty sex. Lots of it.
This is my life, switching back and forth between both. Fun stuff!
Sex and depression and self-worth are so horribly tied together in me that I doubt I will ever have a successful romantic/sexual relationship.
Well, being self aware is the first step. You should work on that aspect and grow from there. 🙂
And this counterpoints an uncomfortable aspect of my life – my wife is hyper-sexual, yet I am hypo-sexual. She says she just wants me to ‘love her’ and when I try to explain that ‘love is more than sex’ she can understand it intellectually, but the lack thereof is still consumed and regurgitated by the depression. The scales start to tip back at these points and I begin to wonder if I’m not the one with a mental dissonance, somehow incapable of expressing love the same way others do, and what with the overt sexualization of everything in our society, it almost becomes its own overwhelming fear of uncertainty heralded form parts unknown with no basis in fact or logic. I simply *am*.
I try to reassess with that feeling juxtaposed onto my wife to better understand her side of things, albeit from a different angle, but somehow I don’t think that’s healthy, applicability or otherwise.
Hypersexuality is also a true addiction. People are used for others’ sex addiction. You need not have a depressed partner in order to question if you’re being used for sex.
I wish someone would want to have sex with me.
I can relate to this a lot. When I was still in a relationship, sex was one of the few times that I could feel free. I don’t understand why yet, but when I did, I was able to experience emotions so strongly and felt so much like my old self again: energetic, creative, passionate. When it ended, it would fade away again and I’d go back to a state more-or-less of blankness. Then I’d just be looking forward to the next time my partner would be up for it.
There were many times I was happy and felt love too, but sex was when it was the purest, when I was 100% myself again. I missed Me so much and still do.
This makes me think of the blood circulation. Perhaps getting back into exercising regularly will help me feel like Me again soon. The only obstacle is to get myself to exercise. I have two goals this spring: start seeing a therapist and start regularly exercising. Find a way to make myself no matter how terrified I am to leave my room or how heavy my body feels in bed. I’m too afraid of what might happen if I stay, more than if I leave at this point… I really hope I stay that way.
Thanks for your comics. You have a great way to explain our experiences that I otherwise couldn’t do. They’re really validating and it’s comforting knowing that I’m not just being a jerk or lazy or stupid.
Almost always when I have sex I keep waiting for it to be over. While it’s enjoyable, it’s like it’s not worth the effort, which means that more often than not I prefer to be the dead fish in the equation. Even when I put in almost no effort (which of course is no fun for my partner) I still spend a lot of the time waiting for it to end. I’m just mentally not there, even if my body is. Doesn’t help that I due (I assume) to both my depression and the medication I take for it can’t seem to orgasm. It’s frustrating for several reasons, but one is that I can want to have sex and even initiate it, but half way through I don’t really want it anymore, and I feel guilty about all the times I’ve ended it mid-way. It must ruin my partner’s experience when he notices that I’m not very into it. It also makes me very selfish in bed – I want him to put in all the effort and I want all of the reward. I also never really actually want to give him one-sided attention in bed, even if I do do it, since it would be unfair otherwise. The only thing motivating me is that I want him to feel good, but considering my incredibly self-centered world view, it’s not the best of motivations unfortunately.
At the worse times I always feel this ridiculous need to have sex. I want to feel wanted for once.
Another really horrible aspect of this is having such low self-esteem that you’ll have sex with anyone interested because it’s the only way to feel valued. Not loved, just capable of doing something not-terrible for another human being.
for some reason i’m thankful i’m single … no need to deprive others from their natural needs when they need them, mere because i do not feel the need for such “needs” anyway at all ….