English
PANEL 1:
CAPTION: Control
PANEL 2:
— I can control the pain.
PANEL 3:
CAPTION: Controlled
PANEL 4:
— I need to cut.
CAPTION: Control
PANEL 2:
— I can control the pain.
PANEL 3:
CAPTION: Controlled
PANEL 4:
— I need to cut.
depression comix #20
This hits home.
I know this feeling… I know..
I’ve been depressed since 1968 and I still don’t understand cutting. It’s not a need I’ve ever felt. I’d like to understand better what drives a person to cut, because someone I love has done this in the past. I don’t want to ask them about this, I would like to ask someone who has felt this fairly often but has somehow been able to cope, and who understands what they go through.
As someone who has battled various forms of self harm for 17 years, it’s different for everyone. Some do it because they’re numb and it’s the only way they feel something, some as a self punishment because they feel they deserve it, for some it’s a form of OCD. For me, it’s like a pressure cooker. The pressure inside me builds and builds and the act of hurting myself is the only way to release the lid on that pressure for a short while. The longer I go without self harm, the more wound up I am. It’s almost also like damage control – if I regularly self harm, I need a few stitches at a time. When I fight it and relapse, the physical damage is catastrophic. If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask me.
Actually for me it’s like all of those combined….
There’s so much going through your head..so many thoughts… It’s a chaos.. U feel like your head will explode any moment… It’s like a cycle… U over think things… U think u r just a burden on everyone… Your heart feels heavy… And then u see a razor… In my case, a scalpel..and then u make a stroke… Like a paintbrush… And blood rushes out.. That’s the only thing that matters.. The physical pain.. U finally have something to focus upon.. The chaos vanishes.. U forget about everything else… For the first time in your life, u feel like you r in control… All the pain, sadness, anger, betrayal, hurt… Nothing matters… Just the crimson paint and the canvas..
self punishment and cure through scars almost reaching this point … i’m craving the feeling of a blade going through neck skin and cutting through my veins and my vocal cords
Please do all you can to keep that from happening, no matter how hard it is. Not cutting seems like something easy to do, but it’s a small victory that’s needed often.